The Disadvantage to Rules

I never wanted to be a stickler for the rules. But I’ve come to learn that it can manifest itself in ways that can’t even be described.

Sometimes I’ve set up rules for myself to make myself feel better:

1. Always make sure that everyone around you is happy
2. Never make mistakes again
3. Always get approval before you decide to do something

There are days when I’ve felt good and decent. Because I stuck to my rules. I never realized until now how much that would affect me in the long run. I’ve behaved in ways that made me feel safe. I cut myself off from being social with others. I never felt inclined to be proud of whatever decision I made. Let alone challenge myself.

It was like my guts were twisted with barbed wire. And it can be dampening when you go through it alone. But sometimes, when the day is right, you can come to learn that you don’t need to go through everything by adhering to your own rules. Sure, you’re protecting yourself. But how long before those negative core beliefs are dumped onto you like a waterfall? How long before the rules start affecting who you are? Soon, you’ll be changing the way you view yourself. You’ll want to be accepted by others so that you’ll fit in. It is a cycle that keeps repeating itself. Over and over again. And the longer it goes, the worse you’ll feel. While it can protect you in the short run, it won’t provide you with a future that you can be proud of.

To make myself realize that, sometimes… rules have to be broken. Because even if you set rules for yourself, those core beliefs will still linger.

To this day, I still learn these values. I process it little by little until I can comprehend what it means. I keep myself engaged in activities, including reading and writing. I try to spend time with people who are supportive of me. And of course, I identify my strengths. No rules.

After all, isn’t it about living the most in life? Not the best?